I penned the following letter to Hong Kong’s Ocean Park shortly after a visit this summer…
Dear Mr Zeman,
On the morning of Saturday March 14th I bestowed my presence upon your fine aquatically themed leisure park and was surprised to discover that you apparently enforce a strict dress code. Indeed, had I have known that your establishment required a certain impractical distinction to its guest’s attire whilst wolfing down candy floss, fraternising with sea mammals and tackling the ‘Abyss Turbo Drop’; I may have reconsidered donning a bright yellow chicken costume. However, one failed to recognise any such clothing directive in your small print.
Whilst admiring your charming flurry of flamingos near the entrance, I was accosted by a staffer who offered me tickets to return at another time, sans rooster outfit. Upon challenging this audacious offer, I was informed that certain fellow visitors could potentially mistake me for an employee. I delicately reassured the over-zealous worker that should an unlikely misinterpretation occur, I would graciously elucidate that my appearance as a giant six-foot-white-boy-chicken was solely for my own exclusive enjoyment, and that any enjoyment experienced by third-parties was purely coincidental.
N.B. For international readers, Horlicks is the insomniacs choice of beverage here in the UK.
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Thank you for your letter detailing my unspeakable and heinous crime of drifting into a bus lane for literally 20 meters in order to turn left, whilst lost and panicked as a new driver in London.
One can only conclude that either your office water dispenser serves infinite industrial-sized helpings of Horlicks to help the staff sleep at night, or that all are quite content with being accessories to this somewhat sinister illustration of an Orwellian police state in action.
Please find enclosed a cheque for the extortionately unreasonable amount of £50 (levied from £100), and a bonus helping of Horlicks for your conscience-easing consumption.
Impoverished charity worker, Leeds.
PS – You can have your bloody leaflet back too. And yes, I’ll have a receipt.
PudSoc is an elite group who meet weekly in Leeds to share their culinary skills and critique the work of fellow members. Cooking duties are divided up in accordance with a strict rota and the founding constitution. Click here for a showcase of our recent accomplishments.
Yesterday, I received the following email from a Ms Morton at ITV London…
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I discovered your website from the Pudding Society page. I am currently researching a new cookery programme for ITV called ‘Britain’s Best Dish’ and we are looking for amateur chefs to take part. I would be very interested in hearing from you and members of the pudding society as potential amateur chefs who would be interested in getting involved with the programme. I have attached a flyer with some information about the show and a contributor profile which you can forward to friends or fill out and send back to me if you are interested yourself!
It’s a national cookery competition with big cash prizes for the winners and it’s going to be a big and exciting production. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any queries and I look forward to hearing from you.