Blog – John Bunnell Appreciation

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Pun master Sheriff John Bunnnell is the reason I’m alive today. The wisdom, the knowledge, the teeth! With his foxy silver hair, awesome wit, finely-tuned melodramatics and his blatant overuse of jail/prison puns and aliteration – Sheriff Bunnell is nothing short of a comedy legend.

Presenter of uber-cheap-and-tacky ‘World’s Wildest Police Videos’ – Bunnell has taken on a cult status amongst students comparable only to David Dickenson and the late Richard Whitely.

Most continuity scenes consist of John parading through an active crime scene, throwing paramedics, fellow cops and corpses out of the way to give us invaluable insights into crime-fighting. Gratuitously littering his subsequent sensationalist voice-over with wisecracks and one-liners, the pseudo-cop sums up with a clichéd summary at the end of each clip, concluding with a standard quip at the end.

My dream, one day, is to have John do a running DVD-style commentary on my life – I just hope to God he speaks like that in real life. In the meantime, check out this collection of memorable quotes…

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* For the criminals, cash is for taking, cars are for chasing and law is for breaking

* When the cops take him down, they take him down HARD.

* If you’re drinking, a designated driver is a good thing. However, if they drink, it isn’t.

* These teenage junkies were looking for a nicotine fix… but their smoking proved harmful to everyone’s health

* When Mother Nature hits the road; we all better give way.

* This crazed madman used a cell phone while trying to escape the LAPD. But the only phone he’ll be using from now on in is the one at the state pen

* Whenever you are in a high-speed chase, it is going to be dangerous. But when you are involved in a high speed chase going 100 MPH down the wrong way of the highway, then it is really dangerous.

* This teenage renegade of the road is one step from getting away, but the officers of Rhode Island state police department perform a perfect California stop, now he’s one step away from a prison sentence.

* Hamburgers, hotdog’s, apple pie and baseball, America has given the world many things… including high speed pursuits.

* This maniac, hopped up on a combination of drink and drugs, needs to be taken out before he kills somebody.

* This idiot is going the wrong way down a one way street – the cops gave him a one way ticket, straight to jail!

* This berading bozo thought that a speed-ball and some malt liquor was the recipe for a good time on the highway. Little did he know- All good times must come to an end!

* It was only a matter of time, before time ran out.

* This idiot is jaywalking right in front of an LAPD officer! He doesn’t know it now, but he’ll have plenty of time to walk…around the exercise pen!..in JAIL!

* This low-life drugs-pusher thought he could mess with State Trooper Frank Sincera, but Sincera had other ideas. Sincera executes a perfect California stop, and sends this renegade back where he belongs, IN JAIL

* This youthful robber couldn’t get one over the experienced shop keeper on his own turf!

* The camera is the officer’s silent partner, only his eye never blinks

* Violence… it can happen to us, at any time, at any place

* These guys paid with their lives… in jail!

* The man rams the guardrail. and thats when the police decide to do a little ramming of their own.

* Although their drunken antics may seem amusing, there’s nothing funny about ten years in a federal pen.

* You do the crime, you do the time!

* Its like looking for a 80 mph needle in a skyscraper haystack.

* This man fights the law and the law wins – THE LAW OF GRAVITY.

* This woman pays the price for driving over the speed limit and under the influence

* He was sky-high on a two day crack binge and wired to the max. He was never gonna hide from Orange County ‘s finest. There’s no place for felons like him, that’s why he’s heading straight for the county jail.

* Life’s one high speed chase and you’re riding shotgun!

* They tried the Freeway, they tried the Highway, they tried any which way, and they were taken down!

* They fought the law, and the law won.

* After robbing a dry cleaners, these bad move bandits got their own dry cleaning, and they were taken down!

* Don’t mess with the law, or mother nature!

* This is a police squad car… it’s a crime fighting tool.

* Out of options, out of their minds!

* Now this maniac is having his own private party. IN JAIL!

* When these three crooks split up to evade the cops they weren’t expecting a gift from the Cleveland P.D.. But they got one alright! They each received one-way tickets to the local slammer.

* Petty thugs, selling drugs. If you think you can try and sell bammer – you’ll end up going to the slammer!

* Hi I’m Sheriff John Bunnel. In the next 30mins you will witness some of the world’s worst drivers and world’s wildest police video chases

* Miami Florida, Home of Disney Land, The Miami Dolphins, and today – A HIGH SPEED PURSUIT!

* Check out this crazed maniac. he is like a high octane hornet trying to evade the cruiser.

* They tried to run from the police… but they couldn’t escape the law.

* A temporary moment of insanity can result in permanent consequences.

* You have the power, you can make a difference. Keep the peace!

* This renegade punk thought he could out run the law

* In this case it was out of the frying pan, into the jail cell..

* He makes a mad dash for the exit, but this cops wits are faster than him

* Before parking behind that dump truck, make sure that DUMP truck driver isn’t a DUMB truck driver

* This joy-rider thought he was going to have a swell ride …but all he got was a short ride in the back of a cruiser to jail

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